Dark Days Indeed

It is with servitude I report on the events of the last few weeks. Life has been good looking after my mother who I previously saw twice a month, and the carer's pension given to me by Social Security is quite good! However that all changed a couple of weeks ago when a candid conversation between my mother and I resulted in her having a heart attack. HARK DEAR READERS, SHE IS NOT DEAD! But she is rather unwell, having only just woken up from a two week coma.

It all began when mother and I were looking over family photos. Hark, what a happy family we looked. Her and my father, my youngest sister Cassandra and older brother Lucas. As you all know, after the accident in which Cassandra was hit and killed by a truck; my father beat and abused me, he and mother seperated and he took Lucas and I stayed with mother. WELL NOR MOTHER NOR I HAD HEARD FROM LUCAS FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS in fact, mother did not even know the extent the damages my alcoholic father inflicted upon me. Verily, when I informed her this night she clutched her dear heart and collapsed to the ground.

On her last legs, I decided to send millions of e-mails on thousands of lists looking for long lost Lucas.

The E-Mail
Hark. I am searching for Lucas (surname), son of Gladys and Ernie (surname) brother to Craig (surname) and Cassandra (surname - deceased). Left with father 20 years ago. Our mother is on her last legs. I am gravely concerned because she sits on the family fortune of $750,000+ that I am sure should be distributed to the two survivng brothers. My address is (address). Please hurry. I would love to see you again.

I did not think that it would work! AYE, IMAGINE my surprise when a man turned up at the door telling me it was Lucas. Hark, how happy I was to see my brother, even if I had not for 20 years. Apparently he is a jewellery store owner in Glasgow to which I find exciting. I informed him of my life, of my Meniere's, Annabella Maria and my recent adventures in the Philipines, and struggles with legswideopen and he told me he was married to a lady called Beatrix and had a child called Potter. The purpose of Lucas' visit however was to see mother and help her to wake up, and in doing so we went to the hospital. We spoke to her for a while and then she woke from her coma. She smiled at me, and I introduced her to Lucas. Lucas and I thought it was a good idea for mother to change her will straight away and I agreed (as I am not too keen on financial matters) that Lucas should inherit the money, and split it with me after the fact. Mother will call her lawyer Mr. Enrique and have the will changed. The doctors fear she won't last much longer, so (and as Lucas has adamantly agreed), the sooner we get this will changed over, the better.

Hark. I feel this situation will be sad of course, but good as my brother and I have the chance to catch up on all the lost years. I do hope he can stick around, just tonight I saw two tickets to Mexico sitting near his wallet when I was changing his bed-sheets for him. Perhaps he plans to take myself and him there after mother passes away? He really should buy return tickets though, these were one-way after all!

Having discovered my Meniere's disease cured by the gobbly little witch doctor, I spent months in the jungles of the Philipine's actually being able to hear the wildlife chittering and chatter. Dear readers, I MADE FRIENDS WITH THE WOODLAND CREATURES! I became one with them! I shed clothes, I shed my worldy ways, and I shed the LIFE AND TIMES OF POOR POOR PRIMAL.

That was until it got to early August. Having been a jungle man for a good eight months, I was paid a rather strange visit! It was my ex-wife Melody and her husband Jaycob. Instantly I realised that the spell the witch doctor had cast not only cured my Meniere's .... it had damaged my mind! Melody informed that the witch doctor was in fact on the payroll of CRAZED COLUMBIAN DRUG LORD ANTONIO! I had been drugged with a potent Phillipino drug that lasted eight months so that I would abandon my search for the beautiful daughter of mine Annabella-Maria!! In fact NO animals were talking to me, and I *STILL* had Meniere's!

Steadfastly, I wove some grass clothes from the ground beneath me and informed Melody and Jaycob that I was about to renew my search. HARK AGAIN I WAS BESEECHED They had revealed to me that they worked things out with Antonio seven months ago and Annabella-Maria has been happy and safe ever since. In fact, Antonio is now a good friend of theirs - and my daughter calls him 'Uncle Ant'. Melody also informed me that there is no way I could have custody, or even see my daughter again, and Jaycob threatened to demasculate me if I didn't leave the Phillipine's immediately.

SO HARK I RETURNED TO AUSTRALIA, AND TO MY BELOVED PORTLAND.... only to discover in my eight month absence my cruel second wife legswideopen had won a court case and taken my house and every single last one of my belongings.

Dear readers, my daughter Annabella-Maria had been kidnapped by Crazed Columbian Drug Lord Antonio! I felt it too cruel to blame my ex-wife Melody, who took Annabella-Maria from me to live with her and her new husband Jaycob in the Phillipines. How was she to know that Jaycob was once involved in this nefarious drug cartel, and that his former boss Antonio would be angry at his exit?

I merely acted with impulse - as a father would! I beat Jaycob across the face with my bare fist. HARK, it was the first act of courage that I had demonstrated since I helped dear mother back across the road in Portland on one of my twice monthly visits! I convinced Jaycob to announce dear readers, just where Antonio may have taken my dear Annabella-Maria! Of course Melody wanted to call the police, but what policeman would believe such a far fetched piece of nonsense?

I took a local Phillipino taxi and with anger in my eyes (and a bit of gunk - i had jet lag dear readers) I rode to the location that Jaycob suggested would house Antonio! Yet upon arrival, I WAS BESEECHED BY A PAINFUL SIGHT! 'TWAS A HELICOPTER! Antonio and his Columbian Drug Cartel were on the upper and the outer.

I wandered into the forest quite upset by the cruelties that had befallen me dear readers, your poor, poor Primal. Having only just broken up with legswideopen now I faced my toughest challenge, the realising young Annabella-Maria was a hostage. But wandering through this forest, delusional on hunger and thirst I soon collapsed in a heap and passed out.

THREE WEEKS LATER DEAR READERS I AWOKE, NAKED, I SAY, NAKED DEAR READERS

I was lying on a rock table with an ugly little man (some would say he resembled me in a way) danced around your dear Primal spitting on him. I said, 'HARK, UGLY MAN! WHY DO YOU EJECT YOUR JUICES AT ME?'. The man replied 'Gobble Gobble Gobble!' I had no idea what he was saying dear readers, but I could tell by his rather modern (and pornographic) calender three weeks had passed. I had to be on my way! I had to find my darling Annabella-Maria! It wasn't until I was half way out the door munching down on a piece of EXTREMLEY SALTY BREAD I grabbed from the Witch Doctor's cabinet that I realise what his spell had actually done!!

Current Mood: amused

HARK READERS

Has it not been a verily long time since I reported on my life activities? As I last reported late December 03, I was embittered after my marriage breakdown to the traitor legswideopen after I discovered my new wife having an affair with the young hunk Thrust, and thus my marriage was over. As a result I chose to fly out of the country, to go to the Phillipines and visit my daughter. As you know she lives their with my first wife and her new husband. All this time legswideopen was trying to take half of what I own!

As the new year approaches dear readers, hark, only sadness leads my life. I have found out that my beloved legswideopen was not as innocent with the handsome Thrust as I believed so! I thought that my wife was sleeping with Thrust while I'm out of town, so that he might protect her if she were to wake from a nightmare, but turns out dear readers THEY WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR!

I got a tipoff one night from a mysterious on-line source. They messaged me, telling me to take a quick trip from Portland to Ballarat that night and see what my wife is up to. Our quickie, drunken marriage meant that I still am in the midst of packing all my belongings and moving to the town where LegsWide lives. I felt strange about this, so I contacted LegsWide and she didn't answer the phone. I was worried about her! I drove all the way to Ballarat and parked outside her house. I noticed Thrust's motorcycle parked in the driveway.

I snuck into the house dear readers, weilding a weapon of mass destruction - my sweaty armpits - before kicking down the door and WOE BETIDE ME! THERE WAS THRUST ENGAGED IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH MY BELOVED WIFE! They were sweating profusely, and my wife tried to explain to me that "Thrust was lying next to me Craig, so that he could protect me from my nightmares - when all of a sudden, a bizarre magnetic disturbance swept through the Earth's core activated the metal rod in Thrust's back, dragging him up to the roof, before it disapated and Thrust fell inside me!"

Well legswideopen ... WHILE I HAVE BEEN NAIVE, Even to *ME* that excuse was so far fetched. I stormed out the house, telling Thrust he can keep his WHORE. The last thing she yelled at me was "FUCK YOU PRIMAL. I ADDED SALT TO YOUR BREAD MIX I HOPE YOU GET DIZZY AND FALL OF A CLIFF". Such a cruel woman.

That is why I have not wrote in a while dear journal. I have been busy finalising the divorce. LegsWide is trying to get half of what I own... which is probably half of what a Somalian owns. I have decided the best way to deal with this stress is to take a trip.

After New Year I am booking a ticket to the Phillipines. I am going to see my little girl.

Dec. 30th, 2003 10:25 pm ratemyjournal

Layout: F. im sorry, but i think this is the worst style you can have from the journal settings. not creative or unique, and kind of ugly

Entries: D. wayyyyyy too long. all text posts but 1 quiz. lots of complaining. lots of links. maybe add pics?

Userinfo: B-. its good that you have a biography about you. try adding some pics and color

Icons: D. only 1 icon. its kind of kewl. but its very plain and there's nothing to it

Overall: D+ could do a lot better. the userinfo somewhat saved you.

I had a fight with my beloved legswideopen it made me feel like crying. I drove down to see her in Ballarat when I discovered her in bed with another man, her ex boyfriend Thrust. But she is my long distance wife, so how can I not trust her dear readers? She explained to me that Thrust was just looking after her as she had a terrible nightmare, and she wanted him to make sure that she wouldn't hurt herself in bed if she had another one. I believe her as she is my loving, loving wife and I know that she would never do anything to hurt me as she loves me and respects me, after all, who wouldn't! So I drove back home and let Thrust stay the night with her, he is a good friend to sleep with her and look after her in my absence. I know they are not having sex though, because I trust her.

On another note, my young daughter who is in the Phillipines with my ex wife and her husband tried to call me again yesterday. Ah but woe betide me, we all know about my Meniere's disease! Even adding salt to my food doesn't help me hear any more, it just stops the vertigo dear readers, so my poor daughter was saying things that I could not hear, but I was telling her I love her and will see her again soon. It is so sad that she can't understand I can't hear her, but at least she still calls me. At least I have her and my beautiful legswideopen in my life. Light days indeed dear readers, verily my life is looking up!

Ah. So I have met the lovely legswideopen and even taught her how to use her journal so I'm going to help her set that up through my email account and stuff. My darling wife whom I met on a drunken night and became married too and I are doing superbly, even though I have not seen her since we became wed. We speak online all the time and are so much in love. I am planning on moving from Portland to be with her in Ballarat, but I have some loose ends to tie up.

For a start, there is a matter of my mother. She lives here, and I am the only person that goes to visit her. I see Mother twice a month, which is quite good on my part I think. We talk about my sister Cassandra who died young (I wrote about this on November 16th dear readers) and about how Lucas is doing. Lucas is my older brother who moved with dad after he and mum seperated. We have not heard of Lucas in over twenty years alack. But I am sure she will be fine, and I might try coming back from Ballarat to see mother twice a month so she doesn't forget I exist. OH WOE DEAR READERS, PONDER THE THOUGHT OF ANYONE FORGETTING SUCH AN ESTEEMED PERSON AS I!

Secondly, a great consideration is Corey. He lives in Ballarat, and it's a small place. I can only imagine bumping into Corey on the street and saying HARK COREY, I LIVE HERE NOW! Perhaps he would think that I am trying to win the heart of the lovely Katrina? NE'ER! I have my delicious morsel Legs Wide Open now, and cannot wait to move away from here so that I can show why she has that nickname!

I am writing with servitude my dear readers. The marriage between myself and my beautiful 'Legs Wide Open' (her screen name only) is almost a week old, but it is difficult to maintain. For a start, we live in two different towns. Secondly, I cannot talk to her over the phone because my Meniere's prevents any sort of phone talking. I really wish that I could sell up everything that I have here and be with here, or vice versa, but we both have some loose ends to tie up.

You see, I met Legs Wide over the Internet and we soon were drunk and married and had many exciting sexual encounters. But being apart - it's hard, especially when I discovered that Legs Wide is having problems with an ex-boyfriend. His name is Thrust, and apparently he is an ex gang member who used to beat her around whenever he felt like it. It makes me think that Legs Wide has an interesting past, perhaps one that may clash with my delicate sensibilities. But hark, I love her all the same, and our text and SMS chats have been very sexual. I have achieved many orgasms by pressing little buttons on a phone, VERILY! Legs Wide can have any sort of past and I wouldn't care - I am in love with my beautiful wife.

It is with happiness that I have lost interest in rejoining the Pagan group. It's probably a good thing, as Legs Wide says, Corey may have indeed gave me more than a black high, but several painful beatings. Oh, woe!

My goodness. I have a propensity to be excited but imagine my weekend! As reported below, I set off on a weekend trip to convince the dear Corey that I should be part of his pagan group, despite his desire not to let me as I was infatuated with his wife Karina. Well as event were to unfold, I never made it to see Corey.

A beautiful woman left a note on my LJ wanting to meet me. Her pen name was 'Legs Wide Open'. Oh dear readers, when I read her screen name, I knew immediately I was in for a lovely weekend. I began to salivate, and perspire! DEAR READERS, I BEGAN TO ACHIEVE ERECTION! It has been a while dear readers, and it was a pleasure not to have to take the little white pills in order to achieve blood flow.

BUT HARK, I agreed, via the phone (SMS, because as you know I have Meniere's disease and cannot hear people over the telephone) to meet this woman when I arrived in Ballarat from Portland at a local cafe. AND HARK READERS SHE WAS A BEAUTY! She was a real woman. She wasn't afraid to have a little flab hanging under her arms, and her vericose veins shining through her legs were to me not blemishes, but beauty spots dear readers, wonderful beauty spots. Her thighs are large like whales, and her smile is so pretty (even WITHOUT her two front teeth). Oh dear readers, we had a quick coffee before retiring to my hotel room right away. LO, IMAGINE WHAT THE PAIR OF US GOT UP TO LOCKD AWAY BEHIND THE DOOR OF THAT SEEDY HOTEL!

Well we became VERY drunk after our hours of passionate copulation, and we went to an all night wedding parlour and achieved success. I have a Mrs Primal to my Mr Primal. I am home now, wondering how I'll be able to get back up to see my lovely wife. Perhaps I can sell this lace and mve to Ballarat? Portland is beginning to offer me much less.

Ah, right now being betrayed by an on-line woman I fell deeply in love with, Francessca, sounds so far away..... To my beautiful wife, I look only ahead!

In just a few short hours dear readers, I am getting on the bus to Ballarat. I am going to confront Corey face to face. He has no idea I am coming. I do hope he will be civil dear readers. DARK DAYS INDEED if he chooses to attack me, as I am a pacifist and will not be able to fight back. I will have to accept the humble beatings he will repeatedly put upon my person.

Wish me luck. I shall return on Saturday with a report of how I went.

GREAT TIMES AHEAD DEAR READERS! I have met many new friends on the LiveJournal community. On my random searches to add new users to my constantly growing list I discovered millard and woe, he too has suffered bad times. http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=millard

Millard is very cute though. And if I weren't so interested in women, woe dear readers, I might like to tickle him under his furry chin. It does make me grin to think that. Two men with sad lives finding comfort in the whisker tickling! Oh readers, HARK! Hillarity ensues. I FEEL A DEEP SPIRITUAL CONNECTION TO THIS MAN, A CONNECTION VERY STRONG; STRONG LIKE A WOMAN HITTING FACE FIRST INTO A MOUNTAIN WHILE BEING DRAGGED ALONG BY A GIANT BIRD, THE MOUNTAIN REVERBERATING AND HARK - NO DAMAGE TO THE WOMAN! This is how strong I feel attuned to the esteemed and exalted Millard.

To further issues I have decided to continue in my quest for the Pagan Group. Despite Corey's suggestion that he will do more than give me a blood nose, I have decided that he was perhaps bluffing, no? Why would he want to beat me, as I so violently reported he said to me two entries down? I have assured him that my sexual attraction to his wife was harmless, as I would not give in to the hugely sexual desires that I was having for her, but still, for some reason unfathomable to me Corey maintained his anger?

Well damn Corey. I want to be in his Pagan group. As someone who finds this sort of thing interesting I believe it is my Goddess given right! Verily, I shall head down to Ballarat within the week to speak to Corey face to face like men do. (Hopefully I will get a glimpse of the delectable Karina. That dear readers would make Primal very happy indeed!)

gospozha at judge_myjournal has besieged me with mediocrity by proclaiming me with a D rating.
(X-posted)

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Layout: It's Default. Default, default, default, default, default. Sure, I can judge it but the verdict should go to livejournal, since they designed everything in your layout.

Entries: Ok...way too archaic for me. Although for the most part, grammar, syntax, and punctuation rules are followed well, the fact that you write in a style inherent to the late eighteenth and early nineteenth century creeps me out a bit. As do most of the entries. I'm sorry that you seem to have had such a shitty life...but...oh nevermind.

Info: Well, it's pretty average. Short, but not completely boring.

Icons: The one icon you had didn't do a thing for me. Use your other two spots, they're free.

Your Score: The jury has reached a decision.

As some of you are aware my dear readers I was involved in a Pagan group for a time. Here is what I wrote about it in a previous entry:

One more thing, since I have been involved in meditation I have become very interested in paganism and witchcraft.
I have tried out simple rituals at home but havent got together with any other like minded people. Well apart from a while back I actually met up with a guy who had advertised on a pagan website, trying to put together a group. We met up and a couple of other people - but nothing came of it. Apparently the guy's wife was very against the whole thing and eventually he dropped it, which was a bit of a shame. The wife may have been against it dear readers because I found myself attracted to her, and let my flirtations well be known. I do not see why he gave me a blood nose and kicked me out the group. I would not have pursued anything - I respect the bounds of marriage. Ah, tis yet another evil deed that has beseeched thee.

Well I decided to email Corey (that is the name of the guy from the Pagan group). Well, would you BELIEVE the response that I recieved? It cut at the very throat of me, like a knife through the heart of a two year old wild boar, before it has the chance to gorge the insides of a child out. This is what I wrote.

My email to Corey
Oh most dear and beloved Corey. It is with great sadness I write to you today. I am longing for a solution to our animosity, that which plauges us. I apologise for any advances I may have made upon your lovely wife, but let it be known I respect the bounds of marriage and n'er would I have made a move that was most uncivilised. I know you love Karina and have been with her for years. Furthermore, if my eccentricities worried you then that is also a sadness of mine. It is the way I have grown up, with one tragic event to another. What I am saying here is, if I decide to return to the Pagan group would you please refrain from brandishing my person with another blood nose? It was a DARK DAY INDEED dear Corey, when the abuse was inflicted upon me. Please reply hastily.
Yours.
Primal.

To which Corey replied dear readers
Craig what the fuck are you sending me emails for? I told you when i busted your face real good to fuck off and that i never want to see you again. neither does K. the group is doing just fine without you, you fucking freak. if you ever come near my wife i'll do a lot more than punch you in the face i'll gut you like a fucking fish. go get some help from a therapist for your fucked up past. what you need you freak is a fucking therapy group, not a fucking pagan group. maybe a suicide group. you know, one of those ritual ones where you and all the losers of the world can fuck off and die together. dont reply to this fuckwit.

Dear readers, I thought it was all a trauma. How offended can I possibly be? All a misunderstanding the situation between Karina and myself. And I did like some of the people in that group. Verily, I may meet up with Corey and discuss this face to face like a man. I am not going to let this one go Corey, you can be promised of that.

Welcome dear readers.

First of all, I have decided to call peace with those at exalted_my_ass. (http://www.livejournal.com/community/exalted_my_ass/360749.html) Strange though that dyvinesweetness thinks my sister also uses LJ (http://www.livejournal.com/community/exalted_my_ass/361488.html) since my sister died a long time ago.

My sister and I were young at the time. I was six, and she would have been about four. Ah my dear sister Cassandra. We were playing by the roadside, silly I know, but we were children, and at the time I can't be sure but I suspect Father and Mother were engaged in relations at the time. I was then horrorstruck as my sister fell to her death in front of a truck. She was skipping rope at the time. The rope got caught in her feet, and HARK, she fell in front of the truck dear readers. I witnessed this at my age of innocence. Dear readers, as tragic what it was at the time some part of me was glad. Cassandra was always getting the attention I deserved. This led to some troubled times in my teenage years as I had to work through the darkness and the guilt that plauged me at the time. With the help of a careless therapist, who made suggestion that I was responsible for her death. I then turned to alcohol at this time, believing all the therapist told me. However, I realised I was becoming just like my father who would beat me, and soon put an end to it. When I beat my bottle, I managed to beat the guilt I had over Cassandra's death. It was a dark chapter of my life dear readers that spanned at least 10 years, but when I turned 16 I was so pleased that finally the burdens of my childhood had been lifted.

If only it stayed that way forever.

Yes the tirade of abuse continues in exalted_my_ass although all I did was share some esteemed writings. Never mind, I can move beyond the juvenile children that these people are to concentrate upon further matters.

Someone there mentioned my Meniere's to insult me; they told me basically "Sucked in to have parent's who gave you a genetic disorder". OH DARK DAYS INDEED TO HAVE SUCH NASTY WORDS THRUST INTO MY FACE LIKE A SPEAR THROUGH THE BELLY OF A YAK! If only they knew what having Meniere's meant!

It means oh my dear readers that the nightmares and depression I feel from this genetic disease is heightened by the fact I have not seen my daughter in a long time. Oh Absence INDEED does make the heart grow fonder; certainly not stronger dear readers. And when I do recieve a phone call from my daughter all the way over in the Phillipines - I CAN HEAR HER NAUGHT! Hark, she tries to speak to me, and her father cannot hear her!

AH BUT MY DEAR READERS THERE ARE WAYS TO COMBAT DISEASE AND DISORDER!

You see, as my hearing loss worsens, the vertigo has actually got a lot better- apparently this is not uncommon. Unfortunately my balance is still affected - this is not too bad and I dont have much problem ..except in the dark - so dont walk home with me from the pub at night my dears! ( a taxi might be better ;-)

I know this is long - and you have probably fallen asleep! But there is not much else to tell. I have a lot of things which enable me to manage my symptoms and in general I live a normal active life. There is a lot I can do myself which helps ;
I do not add salt to my food for instance - sounds like a simple thing but it makes a huge difference.

Let me repeat that dear readers; I DO NOT ADD SALT TO MY FOOD!

I avoid the normal white loaves from the supermarket - they have too much salt... and oh how i miss salty fish and chips! (although im sure im better off without them!!!!)
So i bought a bread making machine and make my own salt free loaves and (sigh) no more Corn Flakes for brekky!

Let me repeat this point as it is fantastic, I BAKE MY OWN BREAD DEAR READERS Oh verily, baking one's own bread is the key to a happy and healthy heart. And though the Corn Flakes and salty fish and chips must go *drool* at least I have my life, yes?

Anyway - the point is that this simple thing made a huge difference - ive been told that it may be a huge contributor to the fact that i almost never suffer from vertigo anymore. I also benefited from counselling and beginning a daily relaxation routine. That is where my interest in meditation and yoga came from. I now mediate every day and I attend a yoga class every week - which I think is fantastic.

Yes, I must say it again as this point is fantastic my wonderfully dear to my heart readers; I MEDITATE EVERY DAY AND ATTEND YOGA CLASS ONCE A WEEK

One more thing, since I have been involved in meditation I have become very interested in paganism and witchcraft.
I have tried out simple rituals at home but havent got together with any other like minded people. Well apart from a while back I actually met up with a guy who had advertised on a pagan website, trying to put together a group. We met up and a couple of other people - but nothing came of it. Apparently the guy's wife was very against the whole thing and eventually he dropped it, which was a bit of a shame. The wife may have been against it dear readers because I found myself attracted to her, and let my flirtations well be known. I do not see why he gave me a blood nose and kicked me out the group. I would not have pursued anything - I respect the bounds of marriage. Ah, tis yet another evil deed that has beseeched thee.

Oh woe, I seem to have made this short tale of angst into an epic novel. Perhaps one day I shall publish my esteemed writings dear readers. The Life and Times of Poor, Poor Primal .

It is with sadness, servitude and deep regret I must report to you my dear diary a tyranny and vile tauntings from the exalted_my_ass community that robs me of my sleep and soul. Posting my most amazing of writings to forums I recieved nice feedback, but this place continues to bring me close to the brink. Vile abuse, drunken fools acting like my abusive father and now an evil before any other, a user nobodyboy Male or Female I am not certain has told me plainly that I should kill myself.

Yes my dear friends, look here and see, as plain as day I have been beseeched to end my life. http://www.livejournal.com/community/exalted_my_ass/356144.html

The strange fiend is now telling me that I use incorrect language. Oh woe and verily the forces of nature are spewing forth inconsistencies at me this evening. How sad that I cannot share my most wonderous writings without the foulness of teenage and immature fools destroying me. They will all learn soon enough that life is not as easy as it seems to them when they deal with the harsh realities of the real world.

I learnt the harsh realities the hard way dear diary. From my aforementioned battle with Meniere's to this very day that still continues, to my abusive father, drunk like the users of that Livejournal community when they saw fit to abuse me like he did; to the destruction of a relationship with my wife and the loss of my daughter, and a special woman on-line whom I felt I had a deep connection with vanishing upon me.

Ahh dear diary, all these things and more I will discuss in great length on one day. But for now I lay me down to sleep and close my eyes upon this dark day, hoping for no responses from the exalted channel in the morrow, when the new light comes.

Kindess and love dispersed throughout space and time to you all.

Primal.

Oh my dear readers, tis indeed a dark time for I, Primal. I have, as told below, shared my writings with some exalted ones and have recieved wonderous feedback. Oh but woe betide me fair readers, I have been abused and belittled in a community called exalted_my_ass which I thought was significant enough to share my writings with. Oh dear readers, look to the link: http://www.livejournal.com/community/exalted_my_ass/355796.html an you not see how they have cruelly beseeched me? Especially feed_my_eyes a person who seems wicked and cruel.

He drunkenly slam my most precious of writings dear readers, those which are so dear to my heart. How cruel, how callous! He reminds me of my own drunken father who would slam me in a different way. He too started drinking, thinking that things were fun before the beating and sexual abuse would begin. I do hope that this person does not fall to the wayside like my father did. I was tormented enough, I cannot imagine feed_my_eyes giving in to torture and abuse of his/her own children, oh woe betide them!

Even if it were not the community for ratings, their would be another way to tell me. Rather than cruel, drunking ramblings which are significant of oh, so much more. Dark days indeed.

Livejournal is already promising to be a wonderful place! I have posted some works of fiction on-line and woe, already a constructive response! How happy am I!!

Once I walked straight and tall in the light, none could overshadow me for long, until alas..the affliction. Death would be kinder than this, slow cruel disease that takes from me...all that was light and leaves only darkness....dark days my friend.

The darkness has overcome me, at last it has entirely engulfed this lost soul. Wait no- one tiny glimmer remains, it must for i live still, I reach out...try to turn on the light...but alas...the globe has blown. Dark days indeed.

Dear diary, to the extreme I shall preselect information of my past and troubled life to engage upon you, my dear readers; providing vast knowledge of events, fortunes and misfortunes that have shaped the life of I, Primal. A friend has introduced me to this wonderful world of LJ where I can put my thoughts and feelings to the table, and people can take a piece of it as they may choose.

I shall begin with an event that beseeched me early on. In my prime of work, I was cruelly forced to leave it alone as I had a condition. A fateful condition not brought about by the cruel sea of an accident set upon me by that fickle fiend known as 'fate' but a disease, and one which I could have no control over, my dear readers, a condition that brought dark days indeed; "Meniere's disease".

Yes, My condition is termed 'Meniere's disease'. So far the cause of it is unknown although doctors have a few ideas, there is a link with migraines, genetic factors are a possibility- with a vascular link( my mother has always suffered from migraines), and there is talk of viral or allergic possibilities. It is a disease which, although it can affect children,most commonly begins in adults. Doctors can only guess that perhaps I had a genetic factor which made me more likely to contract Meniere's, they have also suggested that perhaps with the foriegn exotic countries I frequently visited with my job...perhaps I was exposed to an allergin or virus which I may not have faced at home. But it is all guess work. I have finally come to terms with the simple fact that it has happened and there isnt a thing I can do about it! Except make the best of it of course! I have the disease in both ears, it is a progressive condition which damages the inner ear. This means it affects my balance and hearing. I have tinnitus as well as the hearing loss and vertigo is another unpleasant symptom although thankfully that is vastly improved.

When I first noticed symptoms - they were quite mild - basically I would get brief attacks of dizziness- often i would have ringing in my ears and a feeling of nausea at the same time. Ive been told that some people have much worse symptoms than I - with hours of having to lie still. Thankfully I never went through that. In the beginning I would assume I had had too much to drink the night before ( not an uncommon thing back then!) or that I had a touch of the flu... all the usual things. I might not get an attack for a couple of weeks - or even a month - and then maybe a couple of dizzy spells for a day or two - nausea and hearing loss - with a feeling like my ear would 'pop'. But you see after the attack - which was always brief, my hearing and balance returned to normal, so it was easy to ignore it.

However as time went on I found the dizzy feeling would last a little longer when i had an attack and was worse if i tried to move around. At this time I developed more obvious tinnitus- with a constant although low ringing in my ears. This increased dramatically if I had an attack.
Permanent hearing loss started at this more serious stage. My hearing worsened during an attack - but no longer went back to normal afterwards. I was finding people were 'mumbling' a lot around me ( or so i thought) and people were starting to complain that i was ignoring them or not answering their questions. It had become an issue and I was forced to seek medical advice. Balance and hearing tests quickly proved I had a problem! However I had to undergo blood tests and an MRI scan before other possible reasons could be eliminated and an eventual diagnosis of Meniere's disease was made. As the disease is progressive and incurable I had no choice but to resign from work...... which devastated me - together with the knowledge that i was going to continue to lose my hearing and that my marriage was over. I felt like it was the end of the world.

Dark days indeed, I will not talk too much of that period now -time enough to examine the depression and nightmares I battled with.....